{"title":"Birthday \u0026 Getting Older Cards","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eBuy 4 cards, get 1 free! \u003c\/strong\u003eDiscount applies automatically at checkout.\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"fuckin-a-card-copy","title":"Bloody Great birthday card","description":"\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003eYour uterus and I hope you have the best bloody birthday of all time, you hear me? THE. BEST. BLOODY. BIRTHDAY!!!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eAlso, we are not British. So this card is about tampons! Have a bloody great birthday!\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Chaos Engine","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52311749722388,"sku":"CARD-BDAY-0002","price":5.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0907\/7175\/1188\/files\/Have_a_bloody_great_birthday_card_by_Chaos_Engine.png?v=1775057938"},{"product_id":"old-as-shit-birthday-card","title":"Old As Shit birthday card","description":"\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003eRemember the good old days when you'd be in your computer's word processing program, trying to make letter-size magic happen, and the little paperclip guy would pop up and start telling you what he thought you needed help with? \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eJust imagine if he popped up and could tell people they're getting old. What a hoot that would be! Unfortunately that can't happen and the best we can do is this card.\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Chaos Engine","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52311921557780,"sku":"CARD-BDAY-0005","price":5.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0907\/7175\/1188\/files\/Old_As_Shit_by_Chaos_Engine.png?v=1775058675"},{"product_id":"geriatric-millennials-card","title":"Geriatric Millennials card","description":"\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eFACT: People born between 1980 and 1985 were born world weary, so throwing a label like \"geriatric millennial\" at them isn't going to sting. It's going to feel amazing. Because it's true. We're tired. Please give us some peace and quiet.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eThis card features an original digital illustration of a collection of old folks in 1990s fashions, with the text: \"The ‘90s were 100 years ago. You are old now.” See if you can find your favorite '90s character.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Chaos Engine","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52311983915284,"sku":"CARD-BDAY-0006","price":5.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0907\/7175\/1188\/files\/geriatricmillennialsblueflatlay.jpg?v=1775061140"},{"product_id":"saltiest-bitch-card","title":"Saltiest Bitch card","description":"\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eSalty bitches make the best friends, and this card is for the saltiest bitch you know.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eThe card features an illustrated salt shaker against and teal gradient background. The salt shaker is turned upside down and is raining salt into a pile below. On top of the salt pile are the words: Happy birthday to the saltiest bitch I know.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Chaos Engine","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52311986045204,"sku":"CARD-BDAY-0007","price":5.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0907\/7175\/1188\/files\/saltiestbitchblueflatlay.jpg?v=1775061273"},{"product_id":"michael-myers-birthday-card","title":"Michael Myers birthday card","description":"\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eMichael Myers has been watching you, and he's really glad you clicked this link and might buy this birthday card. Horror movie nerds would be happy to get some love from him too, so he hopes you'll buy this birthday card for one of them.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eCard features a digital illustration of one of horror's most infamous icons — Michael Myers from Halloween — against a rich blue backdrop with the text, \"I hope your birthday fun is hard to kill.\"\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Chaos Engine","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52312070160660,"sku":"CARD-BDAY-0008","price":5.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0907\/7175\/1188\/files\/michaelmyersmock.png?v=1775063799"},{"product_id":"freddy-krueger-birthday-card","title":"Freddy Krueger birthday card","description":"\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eWe all know sticks and stones will break his bones, but nothing will ever kill him. Freddy is the horror legend of your dreams\/nightmares, and now he's wishing you a happy birthday.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eCard features a digital illustration of one of horror movies' most infamous icons — Freddy Krueger from Nightmare on Elm Street — against a rich red backdrop with the text, \"I hope you have the birthday of your dreams.\"\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Chaos Engine","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52312071766292,"sku":"CARD-BDAY-0009","price":5.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0907\/7175\/1188\/files\/freddy-CEproductmockup2.png?v=1775063927"},{"product_id":"pennywise-birthday-card","title":"Pennywise birthday card","description":"\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003ePennywise loves to celebrate with balloons, as everyone knows! Horror movie nerds would be happy to get some love from this psycho clown who's responsible for literally everyone born in the 1980s and 1990s being deathly afraid of clowns.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eCard features a digital illustration of one of horror movies' most infamous icons — Pennywise the clown from It — against a rich yellow backdrop with the text, \"Your birthday is here. I brought balloons!\"\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Chaos Engine","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52312073371924,"sku":"CARD-BDAY-0010","price":5.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0907\/7175\/1188\/files\/pennywisecardmock.png?v=1775064146"},{"product_id":"delicious-invisibility-card","title":"Delicious Invisibility card","description":"\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eWhen a woman hits middle age, poof, she disappears from the collective consciousness and can finally live her life under lessened pressure from the crushing to-be-looked-at-ness of being a woman in this culture.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eWhich fucking rules!\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Chaos Engine","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52312074354964,"sku":"CARD-BDAY-0011","price":5.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0907\/7175\/1188\/files\/deliciousinvisibilitymock2.png?v=1775064252"},{"product_id":"well-seasoned-card","title":"Well Seasoned card","description":"\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eDon't ever let anyone tell you you're old, you delightfully grizzled, greasy ol' bag.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eCard features an original illustration of a big black cast iron skillet with the words: \"You're not old. You're just well seasoned.\"\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Chaos Engine","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52312074682644,"sku":"CARD-BDAY-0012","price":5.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0907\/7175\/1188\/files\/wellseasonedblueflatlay.jpg?v=1775064378"},{"product_id":"40-af-card","title":"40 AF card","description":"\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eIf you know someone who is turning 40 as fuck, or someone who is at heart 40 as fuck, celebrate with them in a big way.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Chaos Engine","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52312075829524,"sku":"CARD-BDAY-0013","price":5.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0907\/7175\/1188\/files\/40AFblueflatlay.jpg?v=1775064475"},{"product_id":"jfc-you-are-old-card","title":"JFC You Are Old card","description":"\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eAs you plummet toward middle age or, God forbid, even older, don't you feel like screaming? Is that just me?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eCard features a digital illustration of a screaming skeleton next to the text \"Jesus fucking Christ you are old.\"\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Chaos Engine","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52312076976404,"sku":"CARD-BDAY-0014","price":5.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0907\/7175\/1188\/files\/greeting_card_-_CE_product_mockup_3.png?v=1775064847"},{"product_id":"30-af-card","title":"30 AF card","description":"\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003e30 is a big deal. You didn't make it into the 27 Club so now you have to figure out what you're going to do with your life. That's 30 as fuck!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eWish someone a happy 30th birthday with this colorful, funny card they will understand without saying a word. \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Chaos Engine","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52312117772564,"sku":"CARD-BDAY-0015","price":5.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0907\/7175\/1188\/files\/30AFblueflatlaycard.jpg?v=1775066051"},{"product_id":"35-af-card","title":"35 AF card","description":"\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003e35 is a weird age. You're past 30 so you're not a kid, but you're not 40 so you haven't really sailed into middle age. You probably think you've held up pretty well compared to a lot of people you know. You don't realize that the next five or six years of your life are going to take you from adult to elder real fucking fast. You cannot fathom the things that will happen to your pores and your joints.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eThat's 35 as fuck! \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eWish someone a happy 35th birthday with this colorful, funny card they will understand without saying a word. \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Chaos Engine","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52312147460372,"sku":"CARD-BDAY-0016","price":5.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0907\/7175\/1188\/files\/35AFblueflatlay.jpg?v=1775067026"},{"product_id":"45-af-card","title":"45 AF card","description":"\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003e45 is a weird age. You're past 40 so you're fully middle age, but you're not 50 so you're sort of stuck in the middle of middle age and retirement, right at the time when your brain is starting to lock up and your body hurts all over in a way you can't believe is normal but apparently not something your doctor gives a shit about. You made it this far so you might as well wait for your AARP benefits to kick in. \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eThat's 45 as fuck! \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eWish someone a happy 45th birthday with this colorful, funny card they will understand without saying a word. \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Chaos Engine","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52312153456916,"sku":"CARD-BDAY-0017","price":5.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0907\/7175\/1188\/files\/45AFcardmock2.png?v=1775067532"},{"product_id":"50-af-card","title":"50 AF card","description":"\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003e50 is an important age. You're fully middle age and you've started to see the stars of your youth appear on the cover of AARP Magazine. You're realizing not only do you have peanuts saved for your retirement, you also don't have enough saved to send your kid or anyone else to college. In fact, you can't imagine trying to learn anything and make a life in this insane world where nothing makes sense and the future seems uncertain. \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eThat's 50 as fuck! \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eWish someone a happy 50th birthday with this colorful, funny card they will understand without saying a word. \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Chaos Engine","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52312164532500,"sku":"CARD-BDAY-0018","price":5.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0907\/7175\/1188\/files\/50AFblueflatlay.jpg?v=1775067595"},{"product_id":"you-made-it-to-the-literal-apocalypse-card","title":"You Made It to the Literal Apocalypse card","description":"\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eIt’s so much fun having a birthday during the ACTUAL apocalypse! I mean, who could have foreseen making it to the end times??? That's definitely something to laugh long and hard about. Until your muscles give out and your flesh melts from your bones. \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eThis card features an original abstract digital illustration of a colorful, crosshatched mushroom cloud and the text: You made it to the literal apocalypse. LOL.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Chaos Engine","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52312168825108,"sku":"CARD-BDAY-0019","price":5.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0907\/7175\/1188\/files\/literalapocalypsecardmock2.png?v=1775067926"},{"product_id":"capitalist-hellscape-birthday-card","title":"Capitalist Hellscape birthday card","description":"\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eCard features a colorful illustrated skull with a party hat against a backdrop of exciting fireworks, and the text: You survived yet another year in this capitalist hellscape!\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Chaos Engine","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52312171675924,"sku":"CARD-BDAY-0020","price":5.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0907\/7175\/1188\/files\/capitalisthellscapemockup1.png?v=1775068034"},{"product_id":"jason-voorhees-birthday-card","title":"Jason Voorhees Happy Camper birthday card","description":"\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eHorror's iconic Crystal Lake \/ Friday the 13th menace — Jason Voorhees — would like to wish you a happy birthday! Try to be a happy camper.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Chaos Engine","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52312175345940,"sku":"CARD-BDAY-0021","price":5.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0907\/7175\/1188\/files\/jasonvoorheescardmock.png?v=1775068135"},{"product_id":"the-universe-is-technically-older-than-you-card","title":"The Universe Is Technically Older Than You card","description":"\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eWish your friend a happy birthday with this trippy, spacey card that pokes some fun at how ancient they are.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eThis card features an incredible image by the James Webb telescope, released in summer of 2022 in the public domain.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Chaos Engine","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52312176132372,"sku":"CARD-BDAY-0022","price":5.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0907\/7175\/1188\/files\/technicallyoldermock2.png?v=1775068279"},{"product_id":"cosmic-fart-dust-birthday-card","title":"Cosmic Fart Dust birthday card","description":"\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eThis card features a beautiful image taken by the James Webb telescope! Paired with a fart joke! You really can't do better than that.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eWell, you might be able to. We can't. So we made you this card.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Chaos Engine","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52312178327828,"sku":"CARD-BDAY-0023","price":5.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0907\/7175\/1188\/files\/cosmicfartdustmock.png?v=1775068370"},{"product_id":"55-af-card","title":"55 AF card","description":"\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003e55 is an interesting age. \"Double nickels,\" as the truckers say. You're cruising toward retirement — maybe more like falling down a steep hill toward it — and watching people drop like flies around you. The world around you makes less and less sense and you know what, that's fine by you. Everyone can get off your lawn if they're not going to help rake it!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eThat's 55 as fuck! \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eWish someone a happy 55th birthday with this colorful, funny card they will understand without saying a word. \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Chaos Engine","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52312179376404,"sku":"CARD-BDAY-0024","price":5.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0907\/7175\/1188\/files\/55AFblueflatlay.jpg?v=1775068602"},{"product_id":"what-even-is-time-birthday-card","title":"What Even Is Time? birthday card","description":"\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eDon’t think too hard about it but what even is time?!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eThis card features an original digital illustration of skulls and sand flowing through a large hourglass.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Chaos Engine","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52312187437332,"sku":"CARD-BDAY-0025","price":5.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0907\/7175\/1188\/files\/whatevenistimemock2.png?v=1775068717"},{"product_id":"your-old-card","title":"Your Old card","description":"\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eThe perfect card for the grammar pedant or copy editor in your life. Or maybe you need to passive aggressively communicate with someone in your life who never uses the correct \"your\"\/\"you're\" — we don't judge!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eCard text says YOUR OLD in fancy lettering. YOUR is scratched out in red pencil, with \"YOU'RE\" handwritten above, as a correction.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Chaos Engine","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52312195891476,"sku":"CARD-BDAY-0027","price":5.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0907\/7175\/1188\/files\/youroldmock2.png?v=1775068959"},{"product_id":"ghostface-birthday-card","title":"Ghostface birthday card","description":"\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eThinking of getting older? Go ahead. Take a stab at it. Ghostface from Scream wants you to!\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Chaos Engine","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52312201986324,"sku":"CARD-BDAY-0028","price":5.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0907\/7175\/1188\/files\/ghostfacecardmock.png?v=1775069031"},{"product_id":"60-af-card","title":"60 AF card","description":"\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eIf you make it to 60, you’re automatically 60 as fuck. Congrats! Celebrate the 60-year-old in your life with this colorful card that will say what you mean without ever needing a word.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Chaos Engine","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52312203133204,"sku":"CARD-BDAY-0029","price":5.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0907\/7175\/1188\/files\/60_AF_card_mock.png?v=1775069126"},{"product_id":"tick-tock-bitch-card","title":"Tick Tock, Bitch card","description":"\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eThe clock ticks and tocks for you, bitch!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eThis card features a 1685 drawing taken from from the public domain, depicting a skeleton near a coffin, holding an hourglass. There's a black and white floral border on the card.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Chaos Engine","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52312278434068,"sku":"CARD-BDAY-0100","price":5.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0907\/7175\/1188\/files\/ticktockbitchcardblueflatlay.jpg?v=1775071803"},{"product_id":"congrats-on-your-rapidly-decaying-body","title":"Congrats on Your Rapidly Decaying Body","description":"\u003cp class=\"preFade fadeIn\"\u003eYour meat sack is decaying every day. If you're lucky enough, it takes a really long time!\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Chaos Engine","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52313105334548,"sku":"CARD-BDAY-0300","price":5.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0907\/7175\/1188\/files\/rapidlydecayingbody2_4e05b6d3-5506-48d0-aaba-818c3b70b908.png?v=1775083782"}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0907\/7175\/1188\/collections\/greeting_card_-_CE_product_mockup_3.png?v=1775065385","url":"https:\/\/shopchaosengine.com\/collections\/birthday-cards.oembed","provider":"Chaos Engine","version":"1.0","type":"link"}